skitschmoments 01

When I was really little, I was a pretty picky girl.
I wouldn't go out if I wasn't wearing certain clothes, certain hairpins, certain shoes, so on.
But luckily my mom loved to make me look like a doll(since I was her first daughter), so most of times she was happy with my demands.

I think I was 5 or 6 years old.maybe a bit younger.
I decided to record(!) my happy moments on my blog, and this is the very first happy things I can remember.
A Japanese animation called 'Heidi, Girl of the Alps' was my favorite TV program.
Heidi used to do this gesture-grabbing her skirts widely and spin- when she's laughing, so everytime someone says'Heidi laugh!?' to me, I giggled and started to spin like Heidi.



Some friends of mine told me it'd be great to read my stories.
I wasn't sure how to tell/draw till last week but this idea came up and I'll tell you all the little happy moments in my life.Really small things.Tiny happinesses that make my life better.

and bonus-to show you how I looked.hahaha

Definately before my 'Heidi laugh' days.

Dancing on the rooftop.

It was one of those rainy summer night.
They were sitting outside of a small diner near his house.
She thought he's getting drunk.
So she said she needs to go home.
Then he kneeled down and reached out his hand to her and said,
'Please,please be my Punk rock princess!'
He wasn't drunk at all.
She said she's not punk anymore and she can never be a princess.



A week after, they were dancing on his rooftop.
She had never danced like that before.
Her cellphone was singing this song and she wished that he could understand her message.
He said he's in love with her but she said nothing back.

.
.
It's been 3 years and I still think of that night.
When the night air smells like ......I smile and feel so lucky to had a chance to be somebody's last 'punk rock princess'.


섬(island)-nell

when i was the most beautiful

colored

sketch

I blogged about this story twice.


this one
and this one

One night I was watching TV,news about rising number of teenage prostitution.
They said it's because this worldwide slump,so many people lose jobs and so many families are broken.
That's why more and more young girls are on the street..

I thought of MoYoung.(the main character of the book 'when I was the most beautiful')
And drew the moment right before she was killed.
She was coming out of a motel with a middle aged guy and her skater boy was waiting for her outside.
She passed him by but he called her and stabbed her belly.

This book was written in 1999.When I was 20,(in 1999) this story wasn't this painful.
But I think for a while I won't be able to read it again.

26th of July,2001

Dogshit called me while I was working.
It was lunch time so I thought that he wanted me to come home for lunch.
My office was 15mins from home by walk.
I picked up the phone and said 'today is too hot so I'll order lunch here'.
Dogshit said 'daddy's strange!'
I said 'I don't fall for that.I said I won't go outside.'
And then he yelled.'You fucking idiot!I have no reason to make a joke with daddy!'
So I ran outside.It was the first and the last time I heard him swear at me.
When I almost got home I heard an ambulance noize so closely.
It was in front of my home.I stuttered 'why is that-'

I saw the world spinning.
I felt the sun burning.
I heard the road collapsing.
And my heart got a big hole.
Something whispered in my mind.'you've lost'

Few weeks later,in my area of seoul,there was a flood that took couple of people.
It was really rare 'cause we were living in the highest area of Seoul.
And another few weeks later,some airplanes crashed into big buildings in America.
The scene we could watch on the TV was more like a movie.
I watched them with my family and mom said,
'All of these are happening in this world without your dad.'


Yesterday mom asked me again.
'Are you still sad?'I answered maybe not anymore.
she went on 'do you still feel the hole in your heart?'
I said I feel it everyday.
She told me that's what they call sadness.

back in the day again-the poem 'when I was the most beautiful'

My English isn't perfect.I can merely express meanings.
But I found this photocopy today and really want to share it here..
I know at least 1 English teacher is seeing this page.
If there're any unnatural/wrong lines,please correct me.


내가 가장 예뻤을 때-이바라기 노리코
When I was the most beautiful-Ibaragi Noriko

내가 가장 예뻤을 때 When I was the most beautiful
거리는 콰르릉 하고 무너지고 Streets collapsed with a thud
생각도 않던 곳에서 Something like a blue sky
파란 하늘 같은 것이 보이곤 했다 Appeared in unexpected places

내가 가장 예뻤을 때 When I was the most beautiful
주위의 사람들이 많이 죽었다 Lots of people around me died
공장에서 바다에서 이름도 없는 섬에서 In the factory,in the sea,on unnamed islands
나는 멋부릴 실마리를 잃어버리고 말았다 I lost the clue of adorning myself

내가 가장 예뻤을 때 When I was the most beautiful
아무도 다정한 선물을 바쳐주지 않았다 Nobody devoted me heartfelt gifts
남자들은 거수경례밖에 몰랐고 Guys only knew military salutes
깨끗한 눈짓만을 남기고 모두 떠나가버렸다 And all went off with clean eye-signs


내가 가장 예뻤을 때 When I was the most beautiful
나의 머리는 텅 비고 My head was so empty
나의 마음은 무디었고 My mind was so dull
손발만이 밤색으로 빛났다 Only chestnut-colored hands and feet shined

내가 가장 예뻤을 때 When I was the most beautiful
나의 나라는 전쟁에서 졌다 My country was defeated in war
그런 엉터리같은 일이 있느냐고 That's such a fake I said
블라우스의 팔을 걷어올리고 and wandered about servile streets
비굴한 거리를 쏘다녔다 with my blouse sleeves rolled up

내가 가장 예뻤을 때 When I was the most beautiful
라디오에서는 재즈가 넘쳤다 Jazz songs overflowed from the radio
담배연기를 처음 마셨을 때처럼 어질어질하면서I felt dizzy like my first cigarette
나는 이국의 달콤한 음악을 마구 즐겼다 And enjoyed the sweet songs of alien lands


내가 가장 예뻤을 때 When I was the most beautiful
나는 아주 불행했고 I was so unhappy
나는 아주 얼빠졌었고 I was so blank
나는 무척 쓸쓸했다 I was so lonely

때문에 결심했다 될수록이면 오래살기로 So I decided to live as long as possible
나이 들어서 굉장히 아름다운 그림을 그린 Like the French painter Georges Rouault
불란서의 루오 할아버지같이 그렇게 who drew extremly beautiful pieces in his old age

I need to draw this poem again

..right now.

when i was the most beautiful

A Japanese poetess made a poem 'when i was the most beautiful'just after the 2nd World War.
she sang about things she(and young people in her age) lost,things she had to let go during the war.

A Korean writer made a novel 'when i was the most beautiful' in mid-90s.
the main character dies in her boarder's(skateboarder) arms,with this poem in her hand.

A Korean unknown girl's made images from those poem&story from late 90s till now.
this image is from the story A Korean writer made.
this girl is sleeping with guys in her father's age for money or for nothing,this boy doesn't know the world without skateboard.after he found what the girl's doing,he stabs her.

rough sketch on a yellow paper/blue pencil.


re-lined image.

i printed this image on T-shirts and sold them at Artists's market.
happy couples liked it particularly just because they're holding eachother's hands in my image.
but i couldn't help myself smiling craftily behind those couples.

well.anyway.this poem/story fascinates me everytime i read it,i will definitely draw them as a series on and on.