26th of July,2001

Dogshit called me while I was working.
It was lunch time so I thought that he wanted me to come home for lunch.
My office was 15mins from home by walk.
I picked up the phone and said 'today is too hot so I'll order lunch here'.
Dogshit said 'daddy's strange!'
I said 'I don't fall for that.I said I won't go outside.'
And then he yelled.'You fucking idiot!I have no reason to make a joke with daddy!'
So I ran outside.It was the first and the last time I heard him swear at me.
When I almost got home I heard an ambulance noize so closely.
It was in front of my home.I stuttered 'why is that-'

I saw the world spinning.
I felt the sun burning.
I heard the road collapsing.
And my heart got a big hole.
Something whispered in my mind.'you've lost'

Few weeks later,in my area of seoul,there was a flood that took couple of people.
It was really rare 'cause we were living in the highest area of Seoul.
And another few weeks later,some airplanes crashed into big buildings in America.
The scene we could watch on the TV was more like a movie.
I watched them with my family and mom said,
'All of these are happening in this world without your dad.'


Yesterday mom asked me again.
'Are you still sad?'I answered maybe not anymore.
she went on 'do you still feel the hole in your heart?'
I said I feel it everyday.
She told me that's what they call sadness.