I was cheating on myself

I thought that I was cheating on you but I was cheating on myself-with or without you.
(No.I haven't cheated on you.)
And I almost forgot that the scissor was on my hand.
This thin rope can be easily cut.
No more.No more drinking alone.No more your sad birthdays.
No more midnight emails,No more.
I will not give them meanings though I know that I'll still be waiting for you.



Drinking alone on the rooftop in a lovely cool summer night was good.
But as always I got drunk and started to do stupid things.
Only I can stop me ruining myself.I need to.
No more dreadful morning.

This is what happened last night.
I slept on a bench in front of my apartment building.
Mom found me few hours after,slapped me and yelled at me and and and..
I don't remember how I got home.
I saw my phone and there was very drunk ugly me saying tons of trashes.
This should be a turning point.
I used to sleep on the street when I was drunk,But I had friends who could take me safe places,who could sleep next to me at least.
And I was 20.Those days are gone.
No more.
A past is a past.and I don't live in a past.

(I've been drinking everynight since last week.I wasted too many hours to drink instead drawing.)