everyday new(everyday same)

Working listening to music.(and yea.shake my body too)

Something I have to do when I get home come to my mind!

Write it down on the back of my hand.

And think,'ok.I'll do that tonight'

After work,getting ready to go home.

Before that,wash hand very hardly.

Letters are gone.but I never notice.

Sleep without thinking.

Wake up and get ready to go to work.

On the way to work.Head is empty.a perfect blank.

Right before I start to work,that thing I wrote on my hand yesterday hits my mind again.
Then back to writing,washing off,new day,writing,-over and over.


Tonight's task is to find these songs and put them in my MP3 player.

Hand is clean!
(I've been doing this for 10years..)

because she's in love

relined by pencil,colored.


in love sketch

It's below zero,It's early in the morning.And it just starts snowing.
She's wearing short pants.Her thighs were exposed.
She's waiting for a bus.Then her cell phone rings.She looks at it and can't help stop smiling.

Only because she's in love.
She can't feel cold,Everything around her is so pretty and warm.
And she doesn't know that only people in love can smile like that.


Yesterday I was on a bus and saw an young girl.
It's freezing cold outside but she dressed like it's a spring day.
I thought 'oh.maybe she doesn't have warm coat'but at the moment I saw her face,I realized.
She's young and in love.
She's wearing what her boy likes.and that's all this girl cares about.
I turned 30 this year.If I was younger,I probably wasn't able to see that she's in love.
But now I can.and I know that I can't smile like that again too.
I can never make that pure,pretty lovely face.

Balancing

sketch

There's a scale in your heart.
Sometimes it's not about just two things.
Your heart leans on one of them.
But when you finish scaling,they're gone.

And you left alone.


When I drew this(friday to saturday)I was sure what I wanted to write but uh..this one is really hard..Maybe I'll rewrite again.

Heaven's not enough

Heaven's not enough-Steve Conte

Sketch in light blue&red color pencils.

Inked.

After dad's funeral,people came to me and tried to tell me that he would be in heaven.
They told me that there's no pain,no grief,no sadness,just full of happiness and good things.
But if there's no pain,I can't be in his heaven.I knew how big pain I was to him..
Then I stopped to think about heaven.
Thinking of him in somewhere without me was..too much for me.

Co-worker's friend commited suicide on the last day of 2008.
He told me that she was a melancholiac.
I didn't ask him how she died.Instead I asked him were you close?
He answered 'kinda..'.
It wasn't your fault.Don't blame on you about this.
Ah..what was she thinking?what was in her 24years old mind?
People,please..heaven's not enough..

Bye,2008.

It's been a dramatic year.
I promised to dad I'd be real this year and now I look back,I was crazy,dumb,in love,innocent,naive,foolish,drunk,immature-these sound pretty real.ha!
And there was you.
I'm going to lower my head and try to take a rest with people I'm really used to.
I don't think I will post another entry till the end of the year.
I'm almost too emotional,I'm a trouble,Sometimes it's hard to just sit and breath..
I'll be back for sure.I'm just exhausted.Got no energy to see and express this world.
So.while I'm not around,I hope you to enjoy my songs.
Again,It's from my own webpage I pay for,don't worry about viruses.
(But it might take long..it's a quite big file)

Here it is.
SKITSCH2008

Again,happy new year,merry Xmas!
Thank you.

Island

There are stories that are true, in which each individual's tale is unique and tragic, and the worst of the tragedy is that we have heard it before, and we cannot allow ourselves to feel it too deeply. We build a shell around it like an oyster dealing with a painful particle of grit, coating it with smooth pearl layers in order to cope. This is how we walk and talk and function, day in, day out, immune to others' pain and loss. If it were to touch us it would cripple us or make saints of us; but, for the most part, it does not touch us. We cannot allow it to.

No man, proclaimed Donne, is an Island, and he was wrong. If we were not islands, we would be lost, drowned in each other's tragedies. We are insulated (a word that means, literally, remember, made into an island) from the tragedy of others, by our island nature, and by the repetitive shape and form of the stories. We know the shape, and the shape does not change. There was a human being who was born, lived, and then, by some means or other, died. There. You may fill in the details from your own experience. As unoriginal as any other tale, as unique as any other life. Lives are snowflakes - unique in detail, forming patterns we have seen before, but as like one another as peas in a pod (and have you ever looked at peas in a pod? I mean, really looked at them? There's not a chance you'd mistake one for another, after a minute's close inspection.)
-Neil Gaiman, American gods,page 345 to 346.





After I heard another short news about another suicide.
And saw myself saying 'people born,people die.'
..Yea I'm an Island.and I feel uncomfortable about it.
Something is wrong.Terribly wrong.
But I have no clue how to fix it. And I also know how powerless,meaningless I am.
..
Something's wrong.Give me a reason or give me something to blame.

Letter D

..While I was watching TV,seeing people who want to get plastic surgery,want to be richer,want to be famous,want to be with someone.

Praying in the name of letter D.






Some might say it's a dream.Yes it can be.
But I.desire.I desire somewhere to rest,a morning waking up in somebody's arms(Somebody I've never met,somebody I could never meet.)
So I wander this cold nights and humming YiSungYol's songs like I'm floating on these pretty sad small city lights.

She dreams/desires too.


기다림-이승열.waiting-Yi Sung Yol.
Thank you.You saved me.You're saving me..